maysvillebulldog
August 30th, 2007, 03:00 AM
Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services:
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------------- -----------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message,
after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
--------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is ****?" So come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members, and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to "sin".
--------------------------------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------- ---------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"
These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or
were announced in church services:
--------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------------- -----------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
--------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall.
Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
--------------------------------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.
It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.
--------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message,
after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
--------------------------------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is ****?" So come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members, and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
--------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
--------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to "sin".
--------------------------------------------------
The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM.
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
----------------------- ---------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"